I want to time travel…I want to go back in time…
To a much simpler time…a time when future plans meant deciding when to leave for Chamunda…
Where” immediate concerns” meant if we would get a bike and how much gas to put in..
I want to go back to a time when the word girlfriend did not exist in our
dictionaries…
A time when I didn’t need a cell phone to keep track of the whereabouts of my best friends…coz they were all there right next to me…
A time when a party meant EG-7/EG-5/BG-7.
A time when daman was our Goa and Goa was our Amsterdam…
A time when we met to make plans and did not make plans to meet…
A time when seniors and juniors meant a lot and batch mates meant everything…
A time when bubba,haawa,baba,manju,kaka,zubu,macha and iyer meant one thing…inseparable..
I want to go back in time…
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, December 17, 2010
The day i died!!
Hmm…its been just 2 weeks and I’m already bored…I mean sure…it was very exciting at first…to be escorted by angels and all…I couldn’t even believe that I was going to heaven to begin with…it’s a pity that I can’t share funny facts with my friends about life in heaven.
1.God welcomes u at the doors…and agrees to grant you one wish (except going back to earth)…it’s a pity that all I could think of at that time was to make him do somersaults…impeccable. But a chance wasted…I wonder how he tap dances…hopefully the next person in requests to see that…
2.You get an ID badge for being in heaven…they have in times and out times and all that…and you’d think that the world is made in the reflection of heaven…
3.You are allowed to visit earth once in every month…but you can’t communicate with ppl…just stalk them…a guy in here has seen all the famous celebrities naked…too bad he’s dead and can’t do anything about it…oh didn’t I tell you…when you’re dead…you wiener kind of dies too…no aids STDS here in heaven.
4.You get to choose how you look. This was a smart move on the part of the admin guys…you see the accident cases and murdered people were just killing the entire serene mood of the place. So you find a lot Tom Cruises and Clint Eastwood. Poor Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson have to entertain a lot of stupid questions.
5.There is an exchange program held annually where in ppl get to go to hell. I think
I’ll enroll for that. It’ll be fun going there…and I’m pretty sure I’ll see a lot many more celebs there than here.
Well that’s about it for now, I’ll update you later…it’s not like you are going anywhere. And I’ll be damned if I leave this place (see…again... how I played with words there…I’m good. pity I didn’t use it when I was alive)
PS: I don’t know why I wrote this piece of shit today…pl. don’t judge me (LMAO!!...I’m on a roll today)
1.God welcomes u at the doors…and agrees to grant you one wish (except going back to earth)…it’s a pity that all I could think of at that time was to make him do somersaults…impeccable. But a chance wasted…I wonder how he tap dances…hopefully the next person in requests to see that…
2.You get an ID badge for being in heaven…they have in times and out times and all that…and you’d think that the world is made in the reflection of heaven…
3.You are allowed to visit earth once in every month…but you can’t communicate with ppl…just stalk them…a guy in here has seen all the famous celebrities naked…too bad he’s dead and can’t do anything about it…oh didn’t I tell you…when you’re dead…you wiener kind of dies too…no aids STDS here in heaven.
4.You get to choose how you look. This was a smart move on the part of the admin guys…you see the accident cases and murdered people were just killing the entire serene mood of the place. So you find a lot Tom Cruises and Clint Eastwood. Poor Heath Ledger and Michael Jackson have to entertain a lot of stupid questions.
5.There is an exchange program held annually where in ppl get to go to hell. I think
I’ll enroll for that. It’ll be fun going there…and I’m pretty sure I’ll see a lot many more celebs there than here.
Well that’s about it for now, I’ll update you later…it’s not like you are going anywhere. And I’ll be damned if I leave this place (see…again... how I played with words there…I’m good. pity I didn’t use it when I was alive)
PS: I don’t know why I wrote this piece of shit today…pl. don’t judge me (LMAO!!...I’m on a roll today)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
priceless!!!
1 yr of coaching classes-21k
endless sleepless nights of worries-5k(present rates of madhosh bar applicable)
the days leading up to the exam-1k
screwing up ur exam and to top it all..seeing ur ex-flame at the center-PRICELESS..
there are somethings money can buy...for everything else...there's FML!!
endless sleepless nights of worries-5k(present rates of madhosh bar applicable)
the days leading up to the exam-1k
screwing up ur exam and to top it all..seeing ur ex-flame at the center-PRICELESS..
there are somethings money can buy...for everything else...there's FML!!
look who's back...back again!!
(he picks the titles...but the content is all mine!!!)
yeah dude...i know..
but in all honesty..tell me one thing..u were expeting this weren't u??..behind this stern face and strong words of dissaproval, you are kind of happy that your suspicions and guesses stand proved without any speck of doubt, aren't u?!...u ungrateful bastard..
yes...u are ungrateful...i created u, for crying out loud...i made u into what u are today..and u wished(even prayed vehemently) for my fall..we both deserve each other don't we?!?
Hmm..so yeah..back to square one..although i wonder why they call it square one..that's still a positive..i mean..u still are at '1' aren't u?!?...back to ground zero...now that's more like it..
and the ever looming question still hangs over my head...ever drawing closer to crushing me down with it's weight.."now what?!?"
any ideas einstein?!?..or will u just stand there at the end of the corridor laughing ur butt off..think of atleast having the decency to come down and give me a hug..u prick..
but u know..i think i have started liking this feeling..i could live with it..i mean u have lived with all ur life(albeit 2 yrs)..how difficult can it be...?!?..hehe..
chal...lets go to the galla...my treat..
yeah dude...i know..
but in all honesty..tell me one thing..u were expeting this weren't u??..behind this stern face and strong words of dissaproval, you are kind of happy that your suspicions and guesses stand proved without any speck of doubt, aren't u?!...u ungrateful bastard..
yes...u are ungrateful...i created u, for crying out loud...i made u into what u are today..and u wished(even prayed vehemently) for my fall..we both deserve each other don't we?!?
Hmm..so yeah..back to square one..although i wonder why they call it square one..that's still a positive..i mean..u still are at '1' aren't u?!?...back to ground zero...now that's more like it..
and the ever looming question still hangs over my head...ever drawing closer to crushing me down with it's weight.."now what?!?"
any ideas einstein?!?..or will u just stand there at the end of the corridor laughing ur butt off..think of atleast having the decency to come down and give me a hug..u prick..
but u know..i think i have started liking this feeling..i could live with it..i mean u have lived with all ur life(albeit 2 yrs)..how difficult can it be...?!?..hehe..
chal...lets go to the galla...my treat..
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
tears trickling down my face...down my face...or is it blood?!?...i taste it...no it's tears...the wound is inside..somewhere deep within..i bleed as i smile...i taste my own blood...it tastes good...i lick it all...more tears..
was it worth it?!?...
picking myself up from the ground i look up...how deep have I fallen...it's a long climb up...will i make it..?!?...i smile..i cry...i lick my tears..salty..i like it...who cares..i am as alone down here as above...its at least dark in here...i check my pockets...i was sure i had a smoke here somewhere...i light it up..i sit in a corner..in complete darkness...some would say "look for light"...but why bother..
i smile..i make smoke rings that are not visible...going up...becoming bigger...and bigger...till they encompass all...me, my life...everything...i get up...i begin to dig...with my claws...deeper....deeper...i have to dig deeper...i lie there in peace...peace...
was it worth it?!?...
picking myself up from the ground i look up...how deep have I fallen...it's a long climb up...will i make it..?!?...i smile..i cry...i lick my tears..salty..i like it...who cares..i am as alone down here as above...its at least dark in here...i check my pockets...i was sure i had a smoke here somewhere...i light it up..i sit in a corner..in complete darkness...some would say "look for light"...but why bother..
i smile..i make smoke rings that are not visible...going up...becoming bigger...and bigger...till they encompass all...me, my life...everything...i get up...i begin to dig...with my claws...deeper....deeper...i have to dig deeper...i lie there in peace...peace...
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
movie life v/s real(pranav's) life
My roommate just recently downloaded this new James bond theme song from one of the Bond flicks..and we listen to it like all the time...in the car and in the room..
so understandably we were listening to the song when driving to the office...and that's when i started to do something that i always do at such times..day dream!
i started dreaming and living a life like that of 007..high speed car chases...end of the world scenarios..women..parties..booze..guns..gadgets..more women..killer looks..super villains..assasins..but before i could go any further with my fantasies and make a new bond movie in my head starring Pranav Iyer as the new MI-6 agent-007, something happened that it all came crashing down..my eyes went on to the side-view mirror and i saw myself staring back at me..
You know that feeling of sucking out something using high pressure difference??..try doubling that and that too out of Ur ass..
even before my story could get started the glaring contradictions started flashing in front of my eyes..
so this is the realistic Pranav Iyer Spy story...
Recruited into RAW at an age of 22, Pranav Iyer is a promising lad..he will make an ideal undercover..not because he stands out in a crowd..but coz he fits right into it..people don't notice pranav in a crowd..except to ask for occasional drinks or to clean up their room..he is invisible to a suspicious eye...Pranav Iyer not only 'does not' attract women..he repels them so far..that there are absolutely no chances of a compromise to the mission..no collateral damages..he is a master of guise..a perfect chameleon..
a waiter,an usher,a bartender,a sweeper..bin there done that!!
He does not drive an Ashton Martin...he rides on a splendor..he does not wear Reid & Tailor Suits..he wears kurta pyjamas,khaki uniforms(usually that of security guards),rags..usually rags..he doesn't go to fancy cocktail parties..he goes to dance bars,charas dens,mafia hideouts,caves..he does not sleep with the most gorgeous women that mankind has ever known..he usually rents porn whenever he gets his hands on a computer..Pranav Iyer is an asset to us because of all these qualities that make him invaluable to us..and well.. valueless to the ppl around..ok THAT was funny...i should probably stop documenting our undercovers and start a blog of my own..
-Alfa.(Official induction of Pranav Iyer-agent 007)
PS: Reel world scenario v/s Real world scenario
REEL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you?!?..
(Bond music playing in the background)
007- The name's Bond..James Bond..I am a spy working for the queen of england and i am here to kill you..
Villain-(manialcal laughter) you cannot even touch me..this is my fortress..i am well protected here..
(Bond whips out his gadgets-a throwing knife from his boots, a gun from his belt, a poisoned pin from his watch, a laser from his eyes..no wait..that was superman..anyways u get the point)
Villain-I should have never under estimated the MI-6..aahh...(dies)
The hot girl swoons over bond..they make out and then he takes her away in his Ashton Martin to some undisclosed exotic location where they make hot steamy love..
REAL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you..?!?
007- The name's Iyer...Pranav Iyer..I work for the Govt of India and i am here to kill you..
Villain Stares..for 2 minutes..
Villain-Ramu..call the security guards and throw this deranged mother fucker out of this party..
007- Hey no wait..i am a spy..i really am..I Spy..
Villain-Really??..where are Ur cool gadgets then?!?..i thought all spies are loaded with them
007- I have a desi tamancha in my sock..a kookri in my back pocket..an air gun in my side pocket...and a cyanide up my ass..don't be shocked; this is a usual practice amongst spies..we all keep a cyanide capsule up our ass..so whenever u see an under cover agent in a situation he cannot escape from..don't be surprised to see him squat down and finger himself..that's the protocol..and now if u will excuse me..i need some room to squat down..
.
.
.
cheers!!!
so understandably we were listening to the song when driving to the office...and that's when i started to do something that i always do at such times..day dream!
i started dreaming and living a life like that of 007..high speed car chases...end of the world scenarios..women..parties..booze..guns..gadgets..more women..killer looks..super villains..assasins..but before i could go any further with my fantasies and make a new bond movie in my head starring Pranav Iyer as the new MI-6 agent-007, something happened that it all came crashing down..my eyes went on to the side-view mirror and i saw myself staring back at me..
You know that feeling of sucking out something using high pressure difference??..try doubling that and that too out of Ur ass..
even before my story could get started the glaring contradictions started flashing in front of my eyes..
so this is the realistic Pranav Iyer Spy story...
Recruited into RAW at an age of 22, Pranav Iyer is a promising lad..he will make an ideal undercover..not because he stands out in a crowd..but coz he fits right into it..people don't notice pranav in a crowd..except to ask for occasional drinks or to clean up their room..he is invisible to a suspicious eye...Pranav Iyer not only 'does not' attract women..he repels them so far..that there are absolutely no chances of a compromise to the mission..no collateral damages..he is a master of guise..a perfect chameleon..
a waiter,an usher,a bartender,a sweeper..bin there done that!!
He does not drive an Ashton Martin...he rides on a splendor..he does not wear Reid & Tailor Suits..he wears kurta pyjamas,khaki uniforms(usually that of security guards),rags..usually rags..he doesn't go to fancy cocktail parties..he goes to dance bars,charas dens,mafia hideouts,caves..he does not sleep with the most gorgeous women that mankind has ever known..he usually rents porn whenever he gets his hands on a computer..Pranav Iyer is an asset to us because of all these qualities that make him invaluable to us..and well.. valueless to the ppl around..ok THAT was funny...i should probably stop documenting our undercovers and start a blog of my own..
-Alfa.(Official induction of Pranav Iyer-agent 007)
PS: Reel world scenario v/s Real world scenario
REEL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you?!?..
(Bond music playing in the background)
007- The name's Bond..James Bond..I am a spy working for the queen of england and i am here to kill you..
Villain-(manialcal laughter) you cannot even touch me..this is my fortress..i am well protected here..
(Bond whips out his gadgets-a throwing knife from his boots, a gun from his belt, a poisoned pin from his watch, a laser from his eyes..no wait..that was superman..anyways u get the point)
Villain-I should have never under estimated the MI-6..aahh...(dies)
The hot girl swoons over bond..they make out and then he takes her away in his Ashton Martin to some undisclosed exotic location where they make hot steamy love..
REAL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you..?!?
007- The name's Iyer...Pranav Iyer..I work for the Govt of India and i am here to kill you..
Villain Stares..for 2 minutes..
Villain-Ramu..call the security guards and throw this deranged mother fucker out of this party..
007- Hey no wait..i am a spy..i really am..I Spy..
Villain-Really??..where are Ur cool gadgets then?!?..i thought all spies are loaded with them
007- I have a desi tamancha in my sock..a kookri in my back pocket..an air gun in my side pocket...and a cyanide up my ass..don't be shocked; this is a usual practice amongst spies..we all keep a cyanide capsule up our ass..so whenever u see an under cover agent in a situation he cannot escape from..don't be surprised to see him squat down and finger himself..that's the protocol..and now if u will excuse me..i need some room to squat down..
.
.
.
cheers!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Dude..i'm good for nothing!!
As this is the time of the year when i fill all the application forms for B-Schools, i was going thru the online application forms of couple of institutes..
You see...applying to colleges has become synonymous to autumn in my dictionary for the past couple of years..the repetitive nature of this activity used to scare me initially..but now it has come to fit into my routine perfectly..wake up..brush Ur teeth..apply..have lunch...sleep...see..
i think even the colleges recognize me now..if u think from a business point of view..they have probably generated more revenue through me than any of the students studying at their campus..
I'm thinking of asking for loyalty benefits the next time around..hm mm..
anyways..that's besides what this post is about...this post is about..well as the subject states...I'm good for nothing..
Well to tell you honestly..I've never been the best anything...the only couple of things i thought i was good at were writing and my elocution skills..and ever since i grew up and started reading more and watched more stuff than i used to when a kid...even that bubble burst...i suck at that too..
So u all can imagine my plight when i was asked to "briefly explain" in 150 words my strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and assets..
a very funny thought entered my mind the moment i read the thing and i pulled my pants down and stared...naah..not an asset..not yet!!
anyways..i scratched my head..googled...tried being innovative..but u know that's the thing with innovation..u need to have something to innovate...i am like a blank canvas..how do u market that..
"I'm Pranav Iyer, I've walked this earth for 22 yrs and I'm proud to say that I'm good at nothing..instead i have a list of things that i suck or at most I'm mediocre at..if anyone is taking notes..be quick..this is going to be long(knuckles crunching,warming up):
I'm not smart..I'm not intellectually superior..I'm not imaginative..I'm not innovative..i don't think out of the box..i don't think within the box..i don't think..i am not a good leader...i am not a good team worker..i don't respect women..i cant multi-task..i cant single task..i don't meet deadlines..i don't meet post-deadlines..i don't shoulder responsibilities..i snitch..i bitch...i crib...i cry...i am not punctual..I'm not a morning person..I'm not an afternoon person..I'm not an evening person..i drink..i drive..both together..i am obtuse..i am thick..i am arrogant..i am ignorant..i don't believe in god..i pray every morning for a miracle..i am hypocritical..i hate hypocrites..i am pessimist by choice...i am unhappy by choice..I'm not handsome..I'm not sexy..I'm not a womanizer(not out of choice)..girls don't date me..guys don't date me..I'm not good in bed..I'm not good out of bed...i am bald..i am skinny..i look shabby..i look like a waiter and the guard at the lobby...I'm not trustworthy..i am not trusting..i am not a good sport..i am not supportive..i don't support any cause...i don't do charity...i am a chauvinist..i am ridiculous...I'm not funny..i am dry..i beat up beggars..i am a biggit..people hate me..people throw stones at me..i am stoned for the best part of the day..and i will now stop coz my fingers hurt with so much of typing..i don't exercise u see..
that was fun..
later.
You see...applying to colleges has become synonymous to autumn in my dictionary for the past couple of years..the repetitive nature of this activity used to scare me initially..but now it has come to fit into my routine perfectly..wake up..brush Ur teeth..apply..have lunch...sleep...see..
i think even the colleges recognize me now..if u think from a business point of view..they have probably generated more revenue through me than any of the students studying at their campus..
I'm thinking of asking for loyalty benefits the next time around..hm mm..
anyways..that's besides what this post is about...this post is about..well as the subject states...I'm good for nothing..
Well to tell you honestly..I've never been the best anything...the only couple of things i thought i was good at were writing and my elocution skills..and ever since i grew up and started reading more and watched more stuff than i used to when a kid...even that bubble burst...i suck at that too..
So u all can imagine my plight when i was asked to "briefly explain" in 150 words my strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and assets..
a very funny thought entered my mind the moment i read the thing and i pulled my pants down and stared...naah..not an asset..not yet!!
anyways..i scratched my head..googled...tried being innovative..but u know that's the thing with innovation..u need to have something to innovate...i am like a blank canvas..how do u market that..
"I'm Pranav Iyer, I've walked this earth for 22 yrs and I'm proud to say that I'm good at nothing..instead i have a list of things that i suck or at most I'm mediocre at..if anyone is taking notes..be quick..this is going to be long(knuckles crunching,warming up):
I'm not smart..I'm not intellectually superior..I'm not imaginative..I'm not innovative..i don't think out of the box..i don't think within the box..i don't think..i am not a good leader...i am not a good team worker..i don't respect women..i cant multi-task..i cant single task..i don't meet deadlines..i don't meet post-deadlines..i don't shoulder responsibilities..i snitch..i bitch...i crib...i cry...i am not punctual..I'm not a morning person..I'm not an afternoon person..I'm not an evening person..i drink..i drive..both together..i am obtuse..i am thick..i am arrogant..i am ignorant..i don't believe in god..i pray every morning for a miracle..i am hypocritical..i hate hypocrites..i am pessimist by choice...i am unhappy by choice..I'm not handsome..I'm not sexy..I'm not a womanizer(not out of choice)..girls don't date me..guys don't date me..I'm not good in bed..I'm not good out of bed...i am bald..i am skinny..i look shabby..i look like a waiter and the guard at the lobby...I'm not trustworthy..i am not trusting..i am not a good sport..i am not supportive..i don't support any cause...i don't do charity...i am a chauvinist..i am ridiculous...I'm not funny..i am dry..i beat up beggars..i am a biggit..people hate me..people throw stones at me..i am stoned for the best part of the day..and i will now stop coz my fingers hurt with so much of typing..i don't exercise u see..
that was fun..
later.
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