Eternal pain for a cluesless mind!

9:46 pm
he looks around...thums-up spilt on the bed..the open pack of chips lying around..the shantaram he was reading before he fell asleep lying facedown on the floor..he wonders how he woke up?..then the cold tickly feeling tells him that it was the spilt cold drink seeping thru his vest and shorts that woke him up...
He lazily gets up and cleans up the mess...well not exactly cleaning up..but making the mess less messier...
He is amazingly numb today...rolls his tongue all around his mouth...he is so numb that he cannot even feel the ulcer that was killing him the previous day..he looks around..there one smoke left in the room...he looks at it..smiles to himself..thinks about the promise he made to himself just this morning...justifies it by saying..its just one smoke mate..and i'll take just 10 drags and stub it out...
walks slowly towards it...takes it in his hand,still considering...then smiles again..who is he kidding..he knows he is going to light it up.

1st drag- oh sweet lord!!!..this is a relief from the all the pain..i'm the master of my own pain..a nice feeling..but wait..pain...wat pain?!?

2nd drag- hello old friend..come have a smoke..where were u..i was getting anxious...knowing that you are around makes me feel real..makes me feel..even if ache is all i feel...i'm glad you are here...

3rd drag- we have been companions for so long now that i dont remember how we got so close...when was the first time we met...years and years ago that seems to be...

4th drag- his eyes water, partly from the smoke..partly otherwise...he smiles it away..his smile..his only disguise..his thousand smiles..

5th drag-jaipur,cummins,future,delhi,anjali,ahmedabad,b'lore,mba,priya,amma,ajji...thatha!!!

6th drag- ..still no tears..and he(thatha) waits patiently..like always..a hat of tricks it was eh old man?!?...stories untold and a relationship like none other..he lives his relationship with his grandfather in that one drag!

7th drag- those eyes...those beatiful eyes...how sad they must be..how lost they must be right now..searching for something to make them smile again..searching for me?!?

8th drag- there is no meaning to this life anymore...no logic that explains it anymore...all purpose lost all goals fallen apart..its all hazy...

9th drag- thick and white..his smoke like his thoughts..beautiful rings they make..one that follow the other...and a beautiful thought enters his mind...

10th drag- like the dense smoke can be bent..so can ur thoughts...make beautiful rings out of it..u can still make it...u can still make it..

stub!