movie life v/s real(pranav's) life

My roommate just recently downloaded this new James bond theme song from one of the Bond flicks..and we listen to it like all the time...in the car and in the room..
so understandably we were listening to the song when driving to the office...and that's when i started to do something that i always do at such times..day dream!
i started dreaming and living a life like that of 007..high speed car chases...end of the world scenarios..women..parties..booze..guns..gadgets..more women..killer looks..super villains..assasins..but before i could go any further with my fantasies and make a new bond movie in my head starring Pranav Iyer as the new MI-6 agent-007, something happened that it all came crashing down..my eyes went on to the side-view mirror and i saw myself staring back at me..
You know that feeling of sucking out something using high pressure difference??..try doubling that and that too out of Ur ass..
even before my story could get started the glaring contradictions started flashing in front of my eyes..
so this is the realistic Pranav Iyer Spy story...

Recruited into RAW at an age of 22, Pranav Iyer is a promising lad..he will make an ideal undercover..not because he stands out in a crowd..but coz he fits right into it..people don't notice pranav in a crowd..except to ask for occasional drinks or to clean up their room..he is invisible to a suspicious eye...Pranav Iyer not only 'does not' attract women..he repels them so far..that there are absolutely no chances of a compromise to the mission..no collateral damages..he is a master of guise..a perfect chameleon..
a waiter,an usher,a bartender,a sweeper..bin there done that!!
He does not drive an Ashton Martin...he rides on a splendor..he does not wear Reid & Tailor Suits..he wears kurta pyjamas,khaki uniforms(usually that of security guards),rags..usually rags..he doesn't go to fancy cocktail parties..he goes to dance bars,charas dens,mafia hideouts,caves..he does not sleep with the most gorgeous women that mankind has ever known..he usually rents porn whenever he gets his hands on a computer..Pranav Iyer is an asset to us because of all these qualities that make him invaluable to us..and well.. valueless to the ppl around..ok THAT was funny...i should probably stop documenting our undercovers and start a blog of my own..
-Alfa.(Official induction of Pranav Iyer-agent 007)

PS: Reel world scenario v/s Real world scenario

REEL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you?!?..
(Bond music playing in the background)
007- The name's Bond..James Bond..I am a spy working for the queen of england and i am here to kill you..
Villain-(manialcal laughter) you cannot even touch me..this is my fortress..i am well protected here..
(Bond whips out his gadgets-a throwing knife from his boots, a gun from his belt, a poisoned pin from his watch, a laser from his eyes..no wait..that was superman..anyways u get the point)
Villain-I should have never under estimated the MI-6..aahh...(dies)
The hot girl swoons over bond..they make out and then he takes her away in his Ashton Martin to some undisclosed exotic location where they make hot steamy love..

REAL LIFE:

Villain-Who are you..?!?
007- The name's Iyer...Pranav Iyer..I work for the Govt of India and i am here to kill you..
Villain Stares..for 2 minutes..
Villain-Ramu..call the security guards and throw this deranged mother fucker out of this party..
007- Hey no wait..i am a spy..i really am..I Spy..
Villain-Really??..where are Ur cool gadgets then?!?..i thought all spies are loaded with them
007- I have a desi tamancha in my sock..a kookri in my back pocket..an air gun in my side pocket...and a cyanide up my ass..don't be shocked; this is a usual practice amongst spies..we all keep a cyanide capsule up our ass..so whenever u see an under cover agent in a situation he cannot escape from..don't be surprised to see him squat down and finger himself..that's the protocol..and now if u will excuse me..i need some room to squat down..
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cheers!!!