Our Epic Movie!!(a teaser)

This one is for all my bhailogs and all the great times we had, laughing our asses off while making this movie..
This is to mark 10 yrs of our friendship...god knows..it feels much longer..
So for Aman, Ashwini,Bhupi,Devansh,Nishant,Rituraj,Rohan,Shamik and Shubham...here goes..

Director:Pranav Iyer

Writer:Was it ever scripted down?!?

Genre:Action | Adventure | Fantasy | Sci-Fi | Pornographic |

Tagline:Kiss Kiss BANG BANG!!!

Cast:

1. Nishant Gandhi-The actor started his career as a folk dancer.but soon realised he could never keep his pants on for more than 5 mins...so decided to jump in(pay keen attention to the choice of words) into a much more lucrative line of work...sci-fi porno flicks...though this movie was never released, but it earned him great reviews and accolades in the film fraternity...he has done alot of other films after this one..and has alot of awards under and below his belt.

see more=>>>-keywords-| durgapur ki nangi rand | The fountainy head | One (sleepy) night at the night club|

2. KD- the name of this actress has been with held on request. This movie, remains till date her only movie. Thank god for that.

3. Ashwini Haawa- Won the award for best actor in the category of "non-sexual performance in a pornographic movie". A very few fans know this..he actually auditioned for the role of lead in the movie but due to technical glitches(he couldn't work with his co-star...the lesser said abt it the better!!) was not selected..

4. Rituraj Phukkan- A regional, tribal theatre artist who got his big break into movies thru this movie. Now a major star in the Assamese porn fraternity.
see more=>>>-keywords-| lamba kela| bhuka kela| nanga kela |

and finally...
Introducing...for the very first time..

5. Shubham Srivastav- the transvestile hooker from lanes of indore..playing her/him self in the movie.

Where are you Mr .Hyde?!?

Where are you Mr. Hyde..?!?
(a maniacal laughter)

well well well..pranav...dont you know?!..i am YOU!!

wat do you mean i am you?!?...i am not capable of doing this...i cant hurt her..i love her too much...i cant possibly have brought tears in her eyes...it was all you..

But i never said it wasn't me...you didn't think i wud let you take away my credit for it now do u...no no...all i'm saying is I AM YOU PRANAV!...WE hurt her..WE made her cry..made her bleed..and we enjoyed it so much didn't we pranav?!?

Get away form me..you monster..'WE' doesnt exist..i can't possibly be you...i know myself..there is good in me..there is still good in me...my conscience would not allow for you to be born...its not possible..

Your conscience...(maniacal laughter)...dont make me laugh pranav...your conscience is why we are having this conversation in the first place love..the double standards..the hideous thoughts..the insecurities..the malice...save this story for someone who doesn't live inside you...who can't see inside you like i can..like through a window..not a pretty sight it is my love...

shut up...you dont know me...you dont know who i am..i am a good person..i am a hero..i am a hero...i dont need to be saved..

(still laughing)...his conscinece it seems...it was a good one there pranav..tickled me in all the right places it did...very funny...

listen to me..listen to me good...you are not me...do you hear me..i can see you...i can talk to you..i hate you..you are not me...

Then how come you can me from the otherside of the mirror that shows just your face pranav?!?
(laughter cont.)

Where am i Mr. Pranav?!?

Eternal pain for a cluesless mind!

9:46 pm
he looks around...thums-up spilt on the bed..the open pack of chips lying around..the shantaram he was reading before he fell asleep lying facedown on the floor..he wonders how he woke up?..then the cold tickly feeling tells him that it was the spilt cold drink seeping thru his vest and shorts that woke him up...
He lazily gets up and cleans up the mess...well not exactly cleaning up..but making the mess less messier...
He is amazingly numb today...rolls his tongue all around his mouth...he is so numb that he cannot even feel the ulcer that was killing him the previous day..he looks around..there one smoke left in the room...he looks at it..smiles to himself..thinks about the promise he made to himself just this morning...justifies it by saying..its just one smoke mate..and i'll take just 10 drags and stub it out...
walks slowly towards it...takes it in his hand,still considering...then smiles again..who is he kidding..he knows he is going to light it up.

1st drag- oh sweet lord!!!..this is a relief from the all the pain..i'm the master of my own pain..a nice feeling..but wait..pain...wat pain?!?

2nd drag- hello old friend..come have a smoke..where were u..i was getting anxious...knowing that you are around makes me feel real..makes me feel..even if ache is all i feel...i'm glad you are here...

3rd drag- we have been companions for so long now that i dont remember how we got so close...when was the first time we met...years and years ago that seems to be...

4th drag- his eyes water, partly from the smoke..partly otherwise...he smiles it away..his smile..his only disguise..his thousand smiles..

5th drag-jaipur,cummins,future,delhi,anjali,ahmedabad,b'lore,mba,priya,amma,ajji...thatha!!!

6th drag- ..still no tears..and he(thatha) waits patiently..like always..a hat of tricks it was eh old man?!?...stories untold and a relationship like none other..he lives his relationship with his grandfather in that one drag!

7th drag- those eyes...those beatiful eyes...how sad they must be..how lost they must be right now..searching for something to make them smile again..searching for me?!?

8th drag- there is no meaning to this life anymore...no logic that explains it anymore...all purpose lost all goals fallen apart..its all hazy...

9th drag- thick and white..his smoke like his thoughts..beautiful rings they make..one that follow the other...and a beautiful thought enters his mind...

10th drag- like the dense smoke can be bent..so can ur thoughts...make beautiful rings out of it..u can still make it...u can still make it..

stub!

Aura Stealer!

Today is 07/06/10...and its exactly 6 months since i moved to Jaipur. Doesn't feel like 6 months though...feels like an era...an age lost and found in this dry land..
Six months...24 weeks...180 days...4320 hrs and counting...fuck!!!...has it really been that long already...heh...life sure does move fast...i still remember the first meal at sankalp the night i landed...that revulsion..that forced solitude...a part of it still remains..i say part coz i have learned to live with it...i'm still learning to live with it...i console myself..all this is for a greater cause...a better future..and i laugh out loud...
Out of the 24 weeks in Jaipur..i have spent 13 weekends outside of it..sometimes in Delhi,sometimes in Surat,A'bad or Pune...
I go there to feel good..about myself?!?..i wonder...i go there to live their lives..for 48 hrs be it..i go there to embrace happiness once more...with arms wide open...she is my love...though she comes with an expiry date...48 hrs of freedom..
I am them..I am life..I'm fun
I am an Aura Stealer on run.
save my life..save my soul..
coz soon enough..there will be none!!!

mortal combat...!!!!

its been a long time since i wrote the last post...
some would call it a writer's block...but i know better...i'm no writer...and i'm incapable of bottling up my emotions...so a block is out of the picture...
anyways...i had made about 5 drafts to the post that i'd publish but none seemed fit enough to be 'the comeback' post u know..
but who'd have imagined that a blog post wud present itself in the form of a KF strong and an excited A****n.zola...just back from the gangtok trip...hahahaha...
the title of this blog post is...and rightfully so...MORTAL COMBAT!!!!!!!
and to make u all appreciate it's full depth...here's a prologue...

"...All three of them gasped for breath....a battle so fierce; the likes of which had never been witnessed in the football grounds ever; drew to a close but presented no clear winner...all three were dead determined to battle till the end...their prize glittered in their tired eyes..the gutter flower!!!!"
Before i start the story..some of the much needed DISCLAIMERS:
All the characters in the story are fictitious and bear no resemblance to any real people or real life events..(except rishi,sowmi,gokul and ashwin!!!)
And also-the writer's past feelings for gutterflower bears no impact on the story!!
Yeah so with these things clear and out of the way...lets begin!!!

In this story...there are 4 characters..
1.Gutter flower-the lanky yet attractive(?!?)young lady...
2.Romeo Zidane(yeah....he's a male!!)
3.Rock star rampal-The perfect hunk...or so u wud be forced to think in the svnit basti
4.Smart ass zola-The nerdy unattractive geek who has found sudden stardom in his final year..because of his quizzing skills..and intellect..

A long long time ago in the SVNIT basti....
there was a girl called...well lets say gutterflower...for poetic reference and otherwise..
She was a damsel in distress...a girl who was forced by fate to rot in the sad and sorry svnit basti...or so she thought...she had very few acquaintances...leave alone friends...her life was as miserable as the princess locked in the top most tower guarded by the dragon..but in this case there was no price in sight...!!...or so we thought!!
Along came our stallion on foot...a guy who looked nothing like a conventional hero..the exact opposite to be honest..so here came... ROMEO ZIDANE!!!!!
With his power to kick the football with unimaginable strength and write poems with unimaginable stench..he was our own....ROMEO ZIDANE!!!!
He could not bear to see her in pain...and in the process of trying to help her out..alas!...he fell in love with her...and hence came the darkest phase of his and his compatriots' lives...what with innumerable sob filled nights,unbearable torturous literatures and hair-cuts...but he somehow came back to his senses..he fell out of love with her..
But then something happened that he had never dreamt of in his wildest of dreams...no..she didn't say yes to him...no...but two of his closest friends for whom he was prepared to lay down his own life...went on a date with gutterflower on V-day!!!
And as if this was not enough fuel to the fire our own "jhantu baba"(name-for obvious reasons) decided to tell him the heart-breaking details of how she had written a sensuous letter addressed to both of them..the anger,the pain,the jealousy knew no bounds...(cont.)
In the meanwhile, let me ease in the rest of my cast into the story...
---Rock star Rampal had a very modest start to his college life...he was only famous amongst his peers for his motorcycle and being a localite..didnt exist for the hostel seniors...but he was not short of talent...he soon found his love for music and took up to bass guitar...and became quite popular in college...accolades and laurels soon followed and before long he became the rockstar of the college...
But as they say...fame gets into ur head...both of them!!...Rampal too fell prey for it...what with his cheap antiques and attitude..he fell apart from those who had believed in him in the first place...who had never given up on him...
But all this transformation didnt go unnoticed...gutterflower began taking interest in rampal's life and even though rampal knew what his close friend Romeo felt for her...he couldn't stop himself from accepting her offer to go on a date with her...but little did he know that there was another twist in the story(cont.)
---Smart ass Zola had always been ridiculed in his growing years for being too smart for his own good...
for example if his friends asked him to check out the racks on a female he would start scientifically explaining the reasons for the growth of breasts!!...u get my drift right?...
And so understandably he also came into college without any great expectations on the female front...But then something happened that changed his life for ever...being geeky was now hep!!!...it was like peter parker changing into spider-man..he was suddenly in demand..what with his GK,elocution skills,JAM prowess...he made quite a name for himself in the latter years of his college life...but as they say...everyone has a skeleton in their closet..we'll come to that later..
So understandably he didnt get missed out from miss gutterflower's eyes...which were still looking for her prince...and so she invited him too,to ber her date on the 14th..to pick the best of the 2..
And its here that all the three stories meet...
Romeo, who was used to stalking gutterflower stood outside the restaurant with his binoculars looking intently at her...
Then to his utter shock...Rockstar Rampal entered with his guitar(rumour has it that he even shits with it strapped on...the sign of a true rockstar he believes!!)
And even as romeo looked in pain..smart ass zola came into the view...and he was as shocked to be seen as he was at seeing rampal sitting in front of him...and even though they behaved to the best of their behaviours(except romeo,there are still traces of the damages caused to the restaurant window panes)they all knew that this would not go down peacefully...
And in the presence of jhantu baba they all decided that there was only one way to resolve this matter...

MORTAL COMBAT!!!!!
Here are the profiles put forward

Romeo Zidane-
Weight-40kgs(without hair 30 kgs)
Height-5-10
Secret skills-power to kick with unimaginable strength and write with unimaginable stench!!


Rockstar Rampal-
Weight-70kgs(With his guitar 80kgs)
Height-6-2
Secret skills-when he plays the guitar he attracts many girls...who go like
.."..ooh rampal we loooove u....we'll do anything for u...oh wait we pooped in our pants..."...so shrills,thrills and frills(refer poop)...take the opponent by surprise as he strikes those chords!!!

Smart ass Zola-
Weight-70 kgs
Height 5-10
Secret skills-He's the riddler...his questions and trivia drain all the energy off the opponent till they surrender...and having an evil incest twin helps too...its like that bruce lee's movie..enter the dragon!!...but instead of a mirror..u have 2 identical twins combating you...deadly!!!

And so the great battle of our time began!!!








To see the how it ends...
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KEEP LOOKING AT THIS SPACE!!!

PS:this was written in good humour...sorry if any got offended...but seriously...wat are u going to do abt it!!!

title-1

11:36 pm 02/12/09
i'm sitting in the bus and looking outside the window, at a very shabby dhaba somewhere outside pune, where the bus will be halted for another 15 minutes or so allowing people to fill their stomachs or empty their bladders...i'm too comfortable inside the AC volvo to get down and buy anything...i have indian ocean playing khandisa loud into my ears.
these are the times i tend to drift into a sage mode and get all philosophical..the usual questions begin to pop in my head...
wtf am i doing here...?
where is this going..?
why is life so fucked up..?
i drift off to sleep...

4:30 am 03/12/09

they are playing an old hindi movie in the bus...starring ashay kumar and ajay devgan(i'd never seen it before)...its got the usual masala that makes a bollywood flick..its got songs..akshay's hairy chest...devgan's bike stunts...a dukhiyari naari in the form of bindu(she used to be a cabaret dancer during big b times)...foreign locations..and a very bad bad powerful villain who is set to destroy the world as we know it..or as they knew it anyways..i've never lived in a world where the heroine feigns death just to have the hero(that too devgan)say 'i love u' over her (what he percieves as)dead body...just to have her wake up and hug him and a sec later find themselves dancing to anu malik's tunes in a beach location in mauritius...i slowly lose interest and put on my ears plugs again..this time red hot chili peppers greet me with their songs...

8:13 am 03/12/09

i am suddenly woken up by a usual sound that used to be an alarm for the past 4 yrs...the conductor yelling that surat has arrived..it took me a second to realise that i have to go on...the usual heart warming sights lay there in front of me...station, bismillah, sahara darwaza, chamunda...how i'd love to go back in time and get down there and go to devilal for a hot cup of chai and sutta..but i must go on...i reluctantly go back to sleep...these sights make me yearn and ache....

10:45 am 03/12/09

govinda looks huge even in the small screen...this time i decide to watch the entire movie..its called life partner..its not half as bad as the star cast suggests...govinda,fardeen khan,tusshar kapoor...it cud have been worse...

12:45 pm 03/12/09
the familiar sights greet me...there is something about homecoming..its as if the entire city is aware that you are coming back...the air is fresh...the rickshaw walla's jump at u to let them take u home..the sweet sound of gujju all around me...
i'm in "aapnu amdavad"
i'm home!

job, stalker and breast cancer!!

hi,
its been a long time and a lot has changed since i wrote the previous post!! its been a mixed month..a few ups and a few..well...bumps and bruises..
let me help you guys understand by listing it out.(i like listing things out..)

1. JOB -i'm not jobless anymore...a little better..i am an intern come this 16th nov. i'll be the product of the best MBA grads' minds at work to reduce cost to the company. they have deviced an ingenious method to fool us all.in these times when all of us are desperate to get our joining dates...these bastards are giving us joining dates...but only as interns..with a 40% reduced salary...and no job security after 6 months..but you grab onto anything u get eh?...so here i am..excited about doing cheap labour..yohooo!!!...but i have my pune and bubba!!...i am excited!

2. STALKER-i have a stalker...yes..i know u guys dont believe it..but its true..i have a stalker..ok let me begin at the beginning..
when i came back home from college this summer(god it feels like ages ago) a new girl had moved in with our neighbours...she was their niece..i recognised her from ages ago when she had come once before to visit them..i was in 8th then i think..so ya it was years ago and i pretended not to know her when i actually did...u see i had nursed a little crush on her when she was here the last time...but this time around her re-entry didnt cause any ripples...u see i was pre-occupied in the crush sense...i had another female to worry about...but yesterday when i came back home from the hospital(3rd segment..)..my mum said that she had dropped in earlier to see me...
so i went to check what was up and she said that she needed a drop off to some place where she took her coaching classes..but talking to her broke that bubble that i had created around me..u all must have had that one...when u have a crush on a girl u havent spoken to ever...u have a mental image about their voice,sense of humour,wit,and well other graphic images that i best dont describe here...but u get the picture right..so here she was talking to me and 10 yrs worth crush just came crashing down...she was stupid,not funny and had a very bad accent(gorakhpur)..
being the nice guy that i am i agreed to drop her off to the place..and when we were
on our way she started flirting with me...i know what u guys are thinking..what'll a guy who has never bin flirted with know about flirting..but that's the thing boys...who better to judge the sweet taste of freedom than a prisoner who's never seen the sun...who better to judge sex than a virgin..u know..so, the same way i cud tell that she was flirting with me...she talked about how we never meet up..or how i could teach her math...yes she said that!!..so i had all these distortrd images of 'three mistakes of my life' and that was when i thought i had to bail...so ever since then i've been trying to avoid seeing her.
its this thing about guys...we can never get attracted to someone who is attracted to us..its like we judge them for having a thing about us...is it all guys or just me, i wonder?!?...well..moving on..

3. BREAST CANCER - it was about a week ago that i woke up in the morning and found out that my left nipple was bigger than my right nipple and had a tiny lump. initially it didnt strike any chord in my brain till my mind wandered to a blog that i had read quite recently...it was written by a guy about his friend's sudden death due to cancer...and it was very moving...that's when my mind started racing...just when i was deciding who'd read my obituary and cosole my distraught but smashingly hot girl friend if anything were to happen to me..a nasty thought entered my mind...what if i had breast cancer!!...
people who know me will know that even if there have been just like 10 such casualities it has a high chance of happenening to me...shit always has a curious way of finding me...
so here i was, blue in the face(and a bit in my tit) about my predicament...thinking about what the (i)fs..
forget crying near my death bed...i'd become the heart of new dark humour...something like 'dead baby jokes'...i'd be the inventor of 'dead breast cancer dude jokes'..people wud be like...did u hear about that dude who barely had a man-tit but died due to tit cancer...i wud be humiliated in my death...and somewhere high above, god wud be laughing at his own private joke with his other collegues...wtf!!
and it was'nt till i went to the doctor and showed him my chest that i was relieved...he told me not to worry with a nice smile and said something about these things happening to "guys at this age"...
and now i wasent sure whether i was more humiliated about my doubts of having breast cancer or the fact that the doctor thought that i'd just hit puberty...
embarrassment never lets go of me..

ok so this it about it...
hope u all had a nice laugh...and ya..if i ever die...haawa, my man...u get to read my obituary...lol
later amigos!!