look who's back...back again!!

(he picks the titles...but the content is all mine!!!)

yeah dude...i know..
but in all honesty..tell me one thing..u were expeting this weren't u??..behind this stern face and strong words of dissaproval, you are kind of happy that your suspicions and guesses stand proved without any speck of doubt, aren't u?!...u ungrateful bastard..

yes...u are ungrateful...i created u, for crying out loud...i made u into what u are today..and u wished(even prayed vehemently) for my fall..we both deserve each other don't we?!?

Hmm..so yeah..back to square one..although i wonder why they call it square one..that's still a positive..i mean..u still are at '1' aren't u?!?...back to ground zero...now that's more like it..
and the ever looming question still hangs over my head...ever drawing closer to crushing me down with it's weight.."now what?!?"
any ideas einstein?!?..or will u just stand there at the end of the corridor laughing ur butt off..think of atleast having the decency to come down and give me a hug..u prick..
but u know..i think i have started liking this feeling..i could live with it..i mean u have lived with all ur life(albeit 2 yrs)..how difficult can it be...?!?..hehe..

chal...lets go to the galla...my treat..

tears trickling down my face...down my face...or is it blood?!?...i taste it...no it's tears...the wound is inside..somewhere deep within..i bleed as i smile...i taste my own blood...it tastes good...i lick it all...more tears..
was it worth it?!?...
picking myself up from the ground i look up...how deep have I fallen...it's a long climb up...will i make it..?!?...i smile..i cry...i lick my tears..salty..i like it...who cares..i am as alone down here as above...its at least dark in here...i check my pockets...i was sure i had a smoke here somewhere...i light it up..i sit in a corner..in complete darkness...some would say "look for light"...but why bother..
i smile..i make smoke rings that are not visible...going up...becoming bigger...and bigger...till they encompass all...me, my life...everything...i get up...i begin to dig...with my claws...deeper....deeper...i have to dig deeper...i lie there in peace...peace...

movie life v/s real(pranav's) life

My roommate just recently downloaded this new James bond theme song from one of the Bond flicks..and we listen to it like all the time...in the car and in the room..
so understandably we were listening to the song when driving to the office...and that's when i started to do something that i always do at such times..day dream!
i started dreaming and living a life like that of 007..high speed car chases...end of the world scenarios..women..parties..booze..guns..gadgets..more women..killer looks..super villains..assasins..but before i could go any further with my fantasies and make a new bond movie in my head starring Pranav Iyer as the new MI-6 agent-007, something happened that it all came crashing down..my eyes went on to the side-view mirror and i saw myself staring back at me..
You know that feeling of sucking out something using high pressure difference??..try doubling that and that too out of Ur ass..
even before my story could get started the glaring contradictions started flashing in front of my eyes..
so this is the realistic Pranav Iyer Spy story...

Recruited into RAW at an age of 22, Pranav Iyer is a promising lad..he will make an ideal undercover..not because he stands out in a crowd..but coz he fits right into it..people don't notice pranav in a crowd..except to ask for occasional drinks or to clean up their room..he is invisible to a suspicious eye...Pranav Iyer not only 'does not' attract women..he repels them so far..that there are absolutely no chances of a compromise to the mission..no collateral damages..he is a master of guise..a perfect chameleon..
a waiter,an usher,a bartender,a sweeper..bin there done that!!
He does not drive an Ashton Martin...he rides on a splendor..he does not wear Reid & Tailor Suits..he wears kurta pyjamas,khaki uniforms(usually that of security guards),rags..usually rags..he doesn't go to fancy cocktail parties..he goes to dance bars,charas dens,mafia hideouts,caves..he does not sleep with the most gorgeous women that mankind has ever known..he usually rents porn whenever he gets his hands on a computer..Pranav Iyer is an asset to us because of all these qualities that make him invaluable to us..and well.. valueless to the ppl around..ok THAT was funny...i should probably stop documenting our undercovers and start a blog of my own..
-Alfa.(Official induction of Pranav Iyer-agent 007)

PS: Reel world scenario v/s Real world scenario

REEL LIFE:
Villain-Who are you?!?..
(Bond music playing in the background)
007- The name's Bond..James Bond..I am a spy working for the queen of england and i am here to kill you..
Villain-(manialcal laughter) you cannot even touch me..this is my fortress..i am well protected here..
(Bond whips out his gadgets-a throwing knife from his boots, a gun from his belt, a poisoned pin from his watch, a laser from his eyes..no wait..that was superman..anyways u get the point)
Villain-I should have never under estimated the MI-6..aahh...(dies)
The hot girl swoons over bond..they make out and then he takes her away in his Ashton Martin to some undisclosed exotic location where they make hot steamy love..

REAL LIFE:

Villain-Who are you..?!?
007- The name's Iyer...Pranav Iyer..I work for the Govt of India and i am here to kill you..
Villain Stares..for 2 minutes..
Villain-Ramu..call the security guards and throw this deranged mother fucker out of this party..
007- Hey no wait..i am a spy..i really am..I Spy..
Villain-Really??..where are Ur cool gadgets then?!?..i thought all spies are loaded with them
007- I have a desi tamancha in my sock..a kookri in my back pocket..an air gun in my side pocket...and a cyanide up my ass..don't be shocked; this is a usual practice amongst spies..we all keep a cyanide capsule up our ass..so whenever u see an under cover agent in a situation he cannot escape from..don't be surprised to see him squat down and finger himself..that's the protocol..and now if u will excuse me..i need some room to squat down..
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cheers!!!

Dude..i'm good for nothing!!

As this is the time of the year when i fill all the application forms for B-Schools, i was going thru the online application forms of couple of institutes..
You see...applying to colleges has become synonymous to autumn in my dictionary for the past couple of years..the repetitive nature of this activity used to scare me initially..but now it has come to fit into my routine perfectly..wake up..brush Ur teeth..apply..have lunch...sleep...see..
i think even the colleges recognize me now..if u think from a business point of view..they have probably generated more revenue through me than any of the students studying at their campus..
I'm thinking of asking for loyalty benefits the next time around..hm mm..
anyways..that's besides what this post is about...this post is about..well as the subject states...I'm good for nothing..
Well to tell you honestly..I've never been the best anything...the only couple of things i thought i was good at were writing and my elocution skills..and ever since i grew up and started reading more and watched more stuff than i used to when a kid...even that bubble burst...i suck at that too..
So u all can imagine my plight when i was asked to "briefly explain" in 150 words my strengths, weaknesses, accomplishments and assets..
a very funny thought entered my mind the moment i read the thing and i pulled my pants down and stared...naah..not an asset..not yet!!
anyways..i scratched my head..googled...tried being innovative..but u know that's the thing with innovation..u need to have something to innovate...i am like a blank canvas..how do u market that..
"I'm Pranav Iyer, I've walked this earth for 22 yrs and I'm proud to say that I'm good at nothing..instead i have a list of things that i suck or at most I'm mediocre at..if anyone is taking notes..be quick..this is going to be long(knuckles crunching,warming up):

I'm not smart..I'm not intellectually superior..I'm not imaginative..I'm not innovative..i don't think out of the box..i don't think within the box..i don't think..i am not a good leader...i am not a good team worker..i don't respect women..i cant multi-task..i cant single task..i don't meet deadlines..i don't meet post-deadlines..i don't shoulder responsibilities..i snitch..i bitch...i crib...i cry...i am not punctual..I'm not a morning person..I'm not an afternoon person..I'm not an evening person..i drink..i drive..both together..i am obtuse..i am thick..i am arrogant..i am ignorant..i don't believe in god..i pray every morning for a miracle..i am hypocritical..i hate hypocrites..i am pessimist by choice...i am unhappy by choice..I'm not handsome..I'm not sexy..I'm not a womanizer(not out of choice)..girls don't date me..guys don't date me..I'm not good in bed..I'm not good out of bed...i am bald..i am skinny..i look shabby..i look like a waiter and the guard at the lobby...I'm not trustworthy..i am not trusting..i am not a good sport..i am not supportive..i don't support any cause...i don't do charity...i am a chauvinist..i am ridiculous...I'm not funny..i am dry..i beat up beggars..i am a biggit..people hate me..people throw stones at me..i am stoned for the best part of the day..and i will now stop coz my fingers hurt with so much of typing..i don't exercise u see..

that was fun..
later.

How did it come to this?!?

"...How did it come to this?!?" says Theoden, King of Rohan, just before entering into the epic battle at Helm's deep...

"...How did it come to this?!?" says pranav iyer,..looking at his gmail inbox for the umptieth time...hoping for that one mail to cheeer him up...reading the already read status msgs of the ppl online...to the extent that he has memorized who's written wat..ppl at work...ppl busy with their lives...

Though the above mentioned scenarios are both very different in their origins...the first one being so dramatic and awesome and all..
but they both have things in common...
They both have a person reliving his glorious past..smiling that smile which he knows will end in a frown...knowing that there was a time when he was truly happy..."accepting the facts is one thing my friends" they both want to say..."but living it everyday is a task no lesser than worthy of a king"..and his chest swells up once again...the stupid fool..afraid to fly..

"How did it come to this"...wonders pranav iyer as he goes back to check his gmail inbox and read the status msgs...smiling his smile..another day in paradise....

Our Epic Movie!!(a teaser)

This one is for all my bhailogs and all the great times we had, laughing our asses off while making this movie..
This is to mark 10 yrs of our friendship...god knows..it feels much longer..
So for Aman, Ashwini,Bhupi,Devansh,Nishant,Rituraj,Rohan,Shamik and Shubham...here goes..

Director:Pranav Iyer

Writer:Was it ever scripted down?!?

Genre:Action | Adventure | Fantasy | Sci-Fi | Pornographic |

Tagline:Kiss Kiss BANG BANG!!!

Cast:

1. Nishant Gandhi-The actor started his career as a folk dancer.but soon realised he could never keep his pants on for more than 5 mins...so decided to jump in(pay keen attention to the choice of words) into a much more lucrative line of work...sci-fi porno flicks...though this movie was never released, but it earned him great reviews and accolades in the film fraternity...he has done alot of other films after this one..and has alot of awards under and below his belt.

see more=>>>-keywords-| durgapur ki nangi rand | The fountainy head | One (sleepy) night at the night club|

2. KD- the name of this actress has been with held on request. This movie, remains till date her only movie. Thank god for that.

3. Ashwini Haawa- Won the award for best actor in the category of "non-sexual performance in a pornographic movie". A very few fans know this..he actually auditioned for the role of lead in the movie but due to technical glitches(he couldn't work with his co-star...the lesser said abt it the better!!) was not selected..

4. Rituraj Phukkan- A regional, tribal theatre artist who got his big break into movies thru this movie. Now a major star in the Assamese porn fraternity.
see more=>>>-keywords-| lamba kela| bhuka kela| nanga kela |

and finally...
Introducing...for the very first time..

5. Shubham Srivastav- the transvestile hooker from lanes of indore..playing her/him self in the movie.

Where are you Mr .Hyde?!?

Where are you Mr. Hyde..?!?
(a maniacal laughter)

well well well..pranav...dont you know?!..i am YOU!!

wat do you mean i am you?!?...i am not capable of doing this...i cant hurt her..i love her too much...i cant possibly have brought tears in her eyes...it was all you..

But i never said it wasn't me...you didn't think i wud let you take away my credit for it now do u...no no...all i'm saying is I AM YOU PRANAV!...WE hurt her..WE made her cry..made her bleed..and we enjoyed it so much didn't we pranav?!?

Get away form me..you monster..'WE' doesnt exist..i can't possibly be you...i know myself..there is good in me..there is still good in me...my conscience would not allow for you to be born...its not possible..

Your conscience...(maniacal laughter)...dont make me laugh pranav...your conscience is why we are having this conversation in the first place love..the double standards..the hideous thoughts..the insecurities..the malice...save this story for someone who doesn't live inside you...who can't see inside you like i can..like through a window..not a pretty sight it is my love...

shut up...you dont know me...you dont know who i am..i am a good person..i am a hero..i am a hero...i dont need to be saved..

(still laughing)...his conscinece it seems...it was a good one there pranav..tickled me in all the right places it did...very funny...

listen to me..listen to me good...you are not me...do you hear me..i can see you...i can talk to you..i hate you..you are not me...

Then how come you can me from the otherside of the mirror that shows just your face pranav?!?
(laughter cont.)

Where am i Mr. Pranav?!?